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Friday, May 23, 2008

The Punch Line (A Sequel)

Let me take you 3 years back, when I was still working in Cebu. One day, I finally mustered enough courage to profess my intentions to a friend on Valentine’s Day (bad timing I know ^^). I bought a bouquet of dozen roses and a little something else, went to the office before she did and waited for her. She arrived, can’t remember exactly what time, before 9am. I gave her the flowers and the gift and that was it.

‘Moving On’ is what everyone does or at least try to do when a tragic event happens, just like when relationships end. In the process, we may tell ourselves lies and force ourselves to believe something in order to make the process lighter, easier, and hopefully faster. There’s totally nothing wrong with doing this so long as we keep the lies to ourselves. Broadcasting these to friends, relatives, and the world for that matter is totally a different matter.

I was tempted to say you’re this, and this, and that. Tempted to cross that border where you stop caring and let it all out. But I’m glad I didn’t. It’s because personally I believe that I cannot condition myself to think that way, to think that not caring is okay. One day I might just reach my threshold and stop caring for everything or everyone else for that matter. What would that make me?

So getting back to the punch line? (Can I get a drum roll please ….)


One more drum roll ….

And another ….


Nobody knew about the bouquet of flowers for her except me, E, and probably E’s husband. The flowers were supposed to be a surprise.

It may have all been settled if I asked for the flowers to be delivered early, or if I simply replied something like ‘you’ll get your flowers later in the day.’ And I could have gone to Cebu, to Boracay, then maybe spent another 5000 pesos or so, and pretended to still feel the same way. But one can’t help but pause and think: ‘Is this the person I love?’ and more importantly, ‘Is this the person who loves me?’ and ‘Is this love?’. Maybe so, maybe not, but certainly it isn’t the type of love that I want.


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13 comments:

  1. im more confused now, is this the same girl as the last entry? hmmmm...

    ReplyDelete
  2. one of the hardest thing to do is to "condition" yourself (as you've put it) to not care. As in lisod na, very few people I know "claims" to master that, but knowing them I can pretty well say that it's just a lie.

    Care kung care, until you care no more. Hahaha Confusing bah? (Ikaw mn gud boks maka-hook imong mga posts lately hehehe)

    pero naa lang ko Q... why post them now? :) naa koy na miss nga past post? hahaha sorry boks bitin ko :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. nabitin ko.. hehehe.. please elaborate..

    ReplyDelete
  4. @ cating!

    nakasabot naka ting? hehehe
    gamay ra man characters sa story, if not, maybe you really won't understand kay if it were you, i don't think you'd react that way ^^

    @didee

    hay salamat boks! addictive na day ako post hehehe you love drama lang siguro hihihi it takes a lot of inspiration ba, good or bad, to write something like this. If only kaya buhaton everytime, ok pud siguro ma writer ba, pa sideline sideline ^^

    as for your Q, yeah, you're missing a post, pero it's not on MY site. (^O-)

    And I just thought it's about time I wrote about it kay maka-headache na ang chaotic silence. hehehe ^^
    (drama kaayo no and e-promote jud ang g-coin na term ba hahaha)

    @ideru
    hi! what should i elaborate? take the experience as something about me and not anyone else, it's what I experienced. Maybe you haven't read the prequel to the sequel (playing with words napud oh hehehe) it's the post right before this. naa didto details.

    thanks for dropping by all ^^

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know now why you said you are thinking too much.. And bakit ka ba walang kwenta?? What did u do or not do?

    ReplyDelete
  6. @mindy

    i don't know as well.
    all i can think of is maybe because i want people to be surprised but i ended up being the one surprised in the end.

    late ka man pirmi magbasa hehehe
    subscribe to google reader ^^

    ReplyDelete
  7. loving demands patience. loving requires putting away pride. how much we love the other is measured by how much patience we have for him/her, by how very little pride is left within us for us (when it comes to him/her), by.... a lot more things. these are things we don't necessarily intend to do but end up doing (perhaps unconciously), because we love. if we do not find ourselves having that much patience, losing that much pride (if not all), perhaps we aren't yet that inlove with the person. (IMHO)

    i love surprises.

    ReplyDelete
  8. steph! i think i kinda gets na the story. hopefully:) grabe guro ang expectations atong "not 3 years ago" da. faet! pro more importantly, who was this girl sa ofc? hmmmm... na intriga ko da. ahihihihi. pwede mo guess?:D

    ReplyDelete
  9. @baberose21

    i get your point ^^ perhaps it was that way for both of us.

    Just bear in mind that love for God, love for family, love for country, love between married couples, love between lovers, love for animals, love the environment and many other forms can be in different intensities.

    I can now understand in some ways why our accountant before doesn't want to go through this phase, because one can end up loving more real than the other and with nothing much to hold on to, it can really end easily unlike when married namo. ^^

    And I think we must be careful in extending our patience too much and losing our pride totally, that's how battering and abuse happen! Whether it be physical or emotional or whatever form there is.

    @cating

    you mean the girl 3 years ago? apilun pa jud nimo ha! bad! hehehe
    e-PM nalang ko for your guess hehehe. Pero i think you have the wrong girl in mind, hinting from my posts ka noh?, pero you're not totally wrong, different time lang. hahaha ^^

    ReplyDelete
  10. now i get it why you chose that title...

    "Blessed are those who have loved and lost than those who have not loved at all..."

    happy thoughts! :D

    ReplyDelete
  11. @cobalt

    thanks for the happy thoughts ^^

    ReplyDelete
  12. lahi akong guess uy. hehehe. feel nako sakto jud ko:) hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  13. @cating

    e.txt daw imo guess beh. hehehe
    take care ting!

    ReplyDelete

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