Life as I know It

My mind can sometimes get katok. PinoySlang.com defined katok as “mentally unstable”. Although it can be said that someone with katok is someone who is mentally unstable, for my case, I’d rather define it as simply acting crazy or going nuts. This is exactly what happened to me last Saturday (November 4), or should I say early Sunday morning. (^.-)v

After having to work 8 hours on a Saturday (Yes, we have work on some Saturdays (‘‘/) ), my friends and I decided to go hang out in a new bar in town. Nobody seemed to be in a drinking mood that day so instead of the usual Red Horse (Extra strong beer similar to Colt 45), I settled for a lighter beer. I had 2 bottles that night which would have left me bitin (yearning for more) on regular days but surprisingly I felt it was more than enough for me that night. It wasn’t the “Woooh! That was fun!” satisfied enough kind of feeling, it was something else. It was the “I’ve had enough of this” kind. I was feeling depressed and my mind was acting katok. Leading me to think of the following:

• People come into our lives just to serve a purpose. A friend told me that once people are out of your life it can only mean one thing, and that is, they’ve served their purpose. Can life be this simple? What happens to all the investments you’ve put into the relationship, whether it be financial, physical, or emotional?

• People come for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. You’ve probably come across an email about this. It’s a sad reality that only a few of those you meet will be with you for a lifetime. But I guess you really only need one.

• I don’t want to be alone. Lucky is the guy with a roommate to share the pizza he’s ordered with or to accompany him for lunch when he has just woken up at 1pm on a Sunday. Lucky is the guy with a wife. Even though she nags him he has someone to come home to. Lucky is the guy with a helper who can tend to his needs and the mere comfort of having someone to interact with inside the house. Thanks to science and technology I have television.

• I’m stuck at 21. People from my batch have moved on to becoming managers, to owning their own businesses, to getting married, to raising their kids. I, on the otherhand, feel as if I’ve just graduated from college. On a recent meeting with my mom, she subtly hinted that at my age I should be getting married already! Yikes! I don’t want to get married yet, let alone raise my own family. I know there are a lot more things I want to accomplish before I enter that stage of life. The problem is, ask me now what these things are and I really don’t have a clear answer. I, myself, don’t know what I really want. I don’t have any plans.

• I’m caught between two different worlds. One is a world devoid of plans and free of worries (trying to mask it as much as possible anyway). Whatever may be, may be. The other is a world of expectations, goals, and purpose. Being caught in both worlds can be mentally draining as both worlds can sometimes make sense. It’s like the angel and demon whispering over your shoulders telling you what to do. Except that in this case, it isn’t as clear as to which is the angel.

• I hate being a choleric. Everything has to be proper and organized. I like spontaneity but my personality isn’t spontaneous.

• I hate being able to think. Sometimes life can be easier if you do not think too much. And yet, at the end of the day, I know I’d rather be lonely but smart( and rich with occasional bouts of happiness) rather than be happy but dull.

• Are my expectations too high? If so, is it wrong for me to expect too much? Should I just be willing to accept whatever happens? Is it simply fear of getting left behind and losing one’s edge? I don’t know.

Late as it was when I arrived home, I switched on my DVD and watched episodes of Entourage until all that katok was gone from my mind. With all that confusion beleaguering my mind, it would have been impossible to get any shut eye. And so I’ve learned my lesson! Never go for lighter beers unless you intend to drink a lot! Hehehe (^o^)v. And, just to clear some misconceptions, It’s actually called light because it has lesser calorie content and not because it contains a significantly lesser amount of alcohol in it. (^^;)

Studies have shown a direct correlation between alcohol and depression. Read more …

Related Articles:

Share